Monday, 25 October 2010

Wow! At last....

A couple of months ago I posted first pics of the much hyped Wow Stuff! prototype die-cast sonic that was announced early this year:

Let's face it, it looked like shit. Designworks of Windsor had obviously recycled the CO design and the end result was somewhat plasticky:

The good news is that in the interim the design has been jiggled around with and the final production versions began hitting UK shops this week. They have got rid of that stupid looking coupler in the middle of the cage section and given the emitter bulb a green tint. All good.

The bad news is that the fucking thing still looks plastic. There is a perfectly reasonable explanation for this, I'm told. That's because only the lower half is metal and the upper part is plastic. Size wise, it's about 10mm shorter than the toy and about 10mm shorter than the actual prop. Here's the moneyshot:

And here's the Wow Stuff pen which should send Elvisgump running to change his pants. It's actually a hell of a lot better than the dildo pink monstrosity seen in  the first official picture that was posted on the Argos UK site:

Here's the real deal:

The pen is actually not bad. Very shiny and quite cute in a novelty sort of way and should provide Elvisgump's right arm enough whack-off action to last him until Xmas.

Friday, 8 October 2010

Twat Alert

Those of you that have been following the boards the past few weeks would have noticed the antics of the hirsute tool pictured above who is known as Mike 'Elvisgump' Jackson  (as an aside, what the fuck is an 'Elvisgump'?). This cheap bastard has been boring the RPF with his desire to own an accurate metal sonic screwdriver with a pen and with sound. Unable to afford one, this prat has decided to build one but due to lack of money and skill, has ended up embarrassing himself with his  increasingly comical and desperate attempts to obtain parts for next to nothing. His latest endeavour has been to obtain a sound chip.

I'm not going to blow smoke up your ass and say that a soundchip is difficult to get hold of or make. It really isn't. However, getting one made small enough to fit inside an accurate sized sonic screwdriver is. In fact, it is a two fold problem involving miniaturizing both soundboard and speaker. CO made one that was pretty small but even the CO soundboard was a little too big for a 1:1 sonic and ran on larger batteries. I ended up developing a custom soundboard from scratch that was 40% smaller than the CO version. This was neither cheap nor easy and meant my sonic was delayed for a year but I felt it was worth it.

So what has this got to do with this prick Elvisgump? Having pleaded with everyone and anyone to magic up a soundchip for him to buy and drawing an unsurprising blank, he decides to bite the bullet and try and sweet talk me into selling him one. So cue the following exchange on my Youtube account (Elvisgump is called 'Mentalpix'):

mentalpix (3 weeks ago): Actually I'm interested in a sound chip, if you sell those seperately. I made a couple of custom sonics, not reproductions, but variations on the idea and would love to have sound for them. Would you sell just the sound chip and what would the price be? Thanks in advance.

celestialtoystore (3 weeks ago): @mentalpix No chance.

mentalpix (3 weeks ago): @celestialtoystore Might I ask why? I'm noodling around as a hobbyist and like the challenge of trying to come up with a design. It will probably be a long time if ever if I could ever come anywhere near the craftsmanship of your replicas, but I'm trying to give it a shot just for fun. There's a lot of us that want do variations, our idea of what the 'next' Sonic might look like. I hope to have enough money one day to own one of your replicas, but in the meantime I'm just doing it for fun.

celestialtoystore (3 weeks ago): @mentalpix Because I spent a lot of money and time creating this chip. It is mine, it is proprietory and it's not for sale. If you want one, you buy a sonic screwdriver and disassemble it. Imagine if you went to KFC and asked them to sell you their secret blend of herbs and spices because you wanted to recreate their chicken at home. What do you think they will say?

mentalpix (3 weeks ago): @celestialtoystore Oops accidentally deleted my post. I was going to add there are a lot of kids or overgrown kids like me that would build a sonic not be your competition but just for fun. No offense was intended. I'd just love to know the 'how-to' to make stuff like that, even a chip I could record stuff on. If there were tips you could give that didn't give away your proprietary stuff hobbyist would love to hear it. Good luck with your business though. Yours look great.

Note the sucky-uppy tone, the fake respectfulness,  the sheer toady, brown nosing slimeyness of Mr Jackson. All because he wants to buy one of my soundchips off me! Also note however that in my exchanges with him that whilst I have been terse, I wasn't rude or abusive (this is very important as it has a bearing on this cockknocker's argument later).

Anyway, a week after the above exchange, Elvisgump posts in this RPF thread the following:

"Since you are such a wizard did you come up with a way to have sound too? I even bit my lip and messaged that horrid CT guy (what a dick!) to inquire about buying one of his chips and he frothed that he wasn't about to give up the enormous 'secret' of his chip, comparing it to asking KFC about their secret recipe of herbs and spices. As if someone interested in reverse engineer his chip or KFC's chicken couldn't just buy it and reverse engineer it to their hearts content. At least CT didn't tell me to shove my money up my hinder region like he had the previous person which I guess counts for some politeness.

I have two other customs in addition to the two I made earlier this year I'd love to have sound for if you know a way to do it for less than the price of cannibalizing a C.O. toy one.
Anyway Eddie, your work looks fantastic on the mill. I wish I lived near enough to be your sorcerer's apprentice."

Ok, so having politely said 'no' with a perfectly valid reason, this cocksucker then proceeds to call me 'horrid' and 'a dick'. Note that in my original knock back to him I neither 'frothed at the mouth' (whatever that means in an online context) nor was I rude. However, what pissed me off was that he admitted he 'bit his lip' to ask me to sell him a sound chip thus implying his faux-respectfulness was just that and he only did it to try and butter me up. The sense of entitlement shown is both shocking and utterly out of touch with real world values. It flys in the face of acceptable conduct. I get the feeling that he feels it is somehow his right for me to sell him my soundchip and when I told him I would not do that, he spat his dummy and started calling me names! That I really don't mind as I've been called worse, but when a person has the brazen cheek to ask something that is obviously out of order and then is surprised and offended when knocked back, that just makes me incredulous. Yes, my soundchip is proprietory and not for sale but I've actually given away a few to my customers and friends because I like them and because they asked nicely. I don't give a shit about it being reverse engineered as there is no one out there who can do it. I just don't give away for next to nothing, my property to two faced beardy cunts who bad mouth me behind my back.

On a more general level, Mike 'Elvisgump' Jackson is a snivelly two-faced weaselly little fuck who brown noses in the most cringeworthy and undignified manner if he wants something from someone. Just read some his sycophantic attempts at flattering Eddie and Dan Stokes. They are painful reading as he's just so fake.

Such banal and shameless suck-up's  as this:

"With your level of skills I say we'd marvel at any cheese sandwiches you've made in the interim, much less your Sonic build."

"Anyway Eddie, your work looks fantastic on the mill. I wish I lived near enough to be your sorcerer's apprentice. "

"Man, if you know how a to make or teach us how-to make some sort of sound chip that I could connect to a USB port to load custom sounds on for use in custom Sonics or other prop doodles, well I know I and many, many others here would beat a path to your door and call you hero."
"If I had $200-300 to spend I'd rather it go to someone who is pleasant like Mr Starkiller than CT. With a name like Starkiller he has to be good. Doesn't he?"

Amazing how little self respect some people will show  if they think they can get something they want on the cheap, ins't it?

Anyhow, having read his little piece of two faced scumbaggery I reply back to him on YouTube:

celestialtoystore (2 weeks ago) @mentalpix Elvisgump, you're such a two faced cunt. I just read your post on the RPF. If you have something to say, you say it here to me directly. FYI, I don't really care about anyone attempting to reverse engineer my sound chip but at least have the decency to buy a sonic from me. Instead you're are all sucky-uppy on here but slag me off on the RPF. You cheap beardy fuck.

mentalpix (2 weeks ago) @celestialtoystore Well I am beardy. I'm cheap because I live in Mississippi. [sigh] You are a sad man CT. If I or anyone else WANTED to reverse engineer your chip they WILL buy one. I don't have hundreds to buy a TOY. I want to make a custom strictly for myself with my own hands that has a built-in ink pen, and suggests a new Sonic but also is a functional flashlight and can make the sonic sound with a colored LED. If you did any research on my past RPF posts you'd know that since I joined.

celestialtoystore (2 weeks ago) @mentalpix If it makes you happy for you to think I'm 'sad' and 'bitter' then bully for you. But cut the two faced shit as you come over as a total cunt. I really don't care what you want the sound chip for but if you can't shell out $20 for a CO toy to cannibalise, then yes you are a cheap fucker. Personally, I wouldn't go through this shit over $20 and have to suck up to someone I purport to despise as much as you obviously do me. Show a bit of pride for fuck's sake.

mentalpix (2 weeks ago) @celestialtoystore Again, you're the one calling me names. Everyone who is rather pleasant that I've made friends with on RPF said "Don't bother" when I suggested perhaps you aren't a bad person. I would rather have supported a craftsman of your caliber instead of cannibalize a C.O. toy. I don't know if your chip costs you more than $20, but I thought I would rather my money go to a person rather than a corporation. I don't know why you are so bitter, perhaps the project has taken a toll on you.

mentalpix (2 weeks ago) @celestialtoystore But here's the thing; that person here who asked you 'send me one' could just be a kid who didn't know any better & you dusted him up with profanity. Or telling the guy to shove his money up his backside. You are the one provoking people, not the other way around.. I'm not trying to rip you off, I asked & you were insanely rude. In my book that is sad and bitter. I really DO wish you luck because you are clearly a great craftsman who could learn manners. Set a better example.

So after I had torn this fuckstick a new asshole, he decides to take a new tack and adopt a 'woe is me' holier than thou attitude to suggest that somehow I was unreasonable and called him names first! However, the timeline says otherwise as do the basics of common sense morality. He even starts to suggest that I am somehow in financial trouble! I'm in such financial trouble I have an overflowing orderbook, a healthy waiting list and new products in the pipe. Well Mr Jackson, if you email your Paypal, I'll send you $20 so you can double your weekly welfare check. I hate to see anyone down on their luck, even reprehensible two faced scum like you.
In this RPF thread some of my friends, customers and even former enemies call him out yet he still somehow tries to argue the moral high ground from a totally untenable position! Him and his buddy, that walking Penis Daniel 'Risu' Pawlik, even suggest I have a sockpuppet on the RPF! Now why would I need to do that when I can read the board without an account and blog and Tweet replies with impunity? That is the famous  last desperate fingerpointing  gasp of those with nothing to argue with. There are some real gems in that thread but my favorites are from a former detractor of mine, NakedMoleRat, who wrote:

"His blog is 'colorful' but getting past that, he has posted some REMARKABLE insight into the prop. I am tempted to strip my MFX and use his paint guides, which he gave for FREE, STEP BY STEP on his blog! KNOWING he would not get paid for it.

And early on, he had cut me up on his board too, but it was because of my big mouth! When I swallowed MY pride and apologized to him, he accepted and pulled up a chair and gave me a good seat at club CT!

But yea, it is pretty crappy to ask to buy a COMPONENT of his sonic. It would be like asking for just the center ring of an arc reactor. "I can make everything else, but I can't get that right, so how about you take all the R&D you did, months of working on it, and just give it to me for a couple bucks so that I don't have to spend MY time working it out!"

That sort of is an epic [thumbs down] if you really think about it! "
Thank you Darren for that!
As a final laugh, allow me to share something that Elvisgump wrote as it is unintentionally, one of the funniest things I've ever read. He's the sort of Doctor Who fan that gives Doctor Who fans the often undeserved stereotype of being socially inept retards who in their own heads are zany, eccentric and interesting but to the rest of the world are just irritating weirdoes in need of a shave and a bath.
Here's what that twat wrote (and worryingly, it's probably true and I'm sure he wrote it in all seriousness too):
"Ever since I larked and I mean went on a lark to make one or find something to mod, all I wanted was something a little more durable than the C.O. and something I could shoehorn a pen in. That's my favorite thing about having the C.O. in my pocket. It delights people who have no idea what Doctor Who is.
Maybe I'm just a beardy old c*nt perhaps, I'd like to think of myself as a silly eccentric. I have minute variations on this same conversation so many time at registers.

I like it when people go "What is that?"

"My pen."

"Where do you get a pen like that?"


"Where's - Galli-what?"


"Yeah where's that?"

"Turn left at Kasterborous."


"If you come up to Calufrax you've gone too far."


"Missed your turn. At Kasterborous."

Usually at this point just give them a trill from the sonic, you've surely had enough time to finish signing whatever you were at the register for. End with a cheerio and leg it out of there.

All that said, cheers!"
Er.....right. What he thinks of as a 'silly eccentric' is more commonly known throughout the world as a 'cunt'. If someone gave me a trill from a sonic and then said 'cheerio' I'd punch their fucking lights out.

I'll leave you with another Elvisgumpism: "If you consider his blogging about me having "my backside handed to me", I chuckle in your general direction. "

Well Mike, I think many will agree you don't need me to hand you your backside: you're perfectly stupid enough to hand it to yourself. The consequence of which is that we are all 'chuckling in your general direction'.

Wednesday, 6 October 2010

I couldn't resist it....

This has been an odd week. Last Friday the entire country has closed down for a week for the 'National Day' holiday to celebrate ostensibly, the moment when China effectively became a Commie police state. All well and good, but coming so soon after the Mid Autumn Festival it effectively means that China has suffered a second consecutive week of, I'll put it frankly, bone idleness. I can only apologise to my loyal customers since I have back orders to fulfill and although I have performed my end of the bargain with considerable aplomb, I am at the mercy of the sodding post office, whose vagaries are well documented and whose work ethic is so arbitrary that nothing short of a supercomputer running chaos theory algorithms can predict it.

So, in this interregnum between Summer and Autumn, I took time out to move home (precisely 20 doors down the road in fact), helped the old man relocate part of the existing factory to nearby Anhui Province and get on with some much delayed design work. Having done all of that, I did what any self respecting man would do when surrounded by temporary systemic national indolence, I joined them and went out to get pissed.

This evening I went for a beer with my mate, the paint chemist, we'll call him 'Bob'. Inevitably the conversation turned to the subject of the industrial crackle that I had him develop for me a couple of months back. I have been getting A LOT of mails regarding this stuff and I have had to say NO to all of you who asked. I have tried to ease the pain somewhat by revealing the Perfetto crackle technique and process but the industrial coat has gnawed at me for the past few months and my reluctance to offer it is mainly economics. I won't bore you with the details of it but needless to say, this stuff is NOT cheap and has to be implemented on an industrial scale (based on dead weight of the material to be painted) in order to be economical.  You see, this stuff has its roots within the automotive industry and has to  be, ideally, applied by robots and setting up the process is expensive and time consuming unless you have the clout of a major car manufacturer. Which I don't.

However, never one to take no for an answer, I proceeded to blag, bullshit and bully Bob, with the aid of copious amounts of Hennessy XO and the memory of an incident involving a Thai ladyboy, a large daikon radish and some live prawns,  into doing a small run in his test lab. Rotting in hell not withstanding, I am now quite please to offer a small limited run of sonics in this wonderful industrial crackle for the price of £250 each.

Absolute numbers are a bit up in the air but depending on how many I can be bothered to strip down, I will say no more than 20 of each model MAXIMUM. Probably less, as Bob simply did not make enough of the stuff to paint more than that.

The initial test piece has been chucked around quite a bit and has not suffered in the slightest. It's more durable than the powdercoat and is virtually indistinguishable from the Perfetto coating. Considering a spare body will cost you upwards of £50 and a Perfetto repaint £30, having a totally ready painted one for £50 premium on top of the standard price is a nice little deal for a quite groovy upgrade.

Some of you have emailed me asking if I can repaint your sonics in this. The answer is categorically NO. This is mainly because it is not *just* the body that need repainting but the slider plate/button too. It is a lot of work to remove the slider plate/button for repainting and can and will destroy the electronics requiring a total rewiring. I am keeping this run separate and exclusive with a price tag to reflect this. If you want one and have purchased a standard one prior, I suggest you do what everyone else would do and Ebay it ASAP and use the proceeds to purchase one of these :-) Who knows, maybe you might sell it to someone who is gagging for one of mine but can't bring themselves to buy one from me.

So, if you want one, email me as these things will go quick and I don't forsee them becoming available again until 2012 at earliest. Since I tweeted this a couple of hours ago, I have 5 takers of Tennant versions so they are going...

Here's a reminder of what you are getting:

Tuesday, 5 October 2010

Allahu Akbar, I've been hacked!

In the past two hours visitors to my site will have encountered the following:

It appears the ragheads have taken time out from blowing up buildings and stoning women to drag themselves into the information age. Anyway, it is not my site alone that has been affected, but the entire server of which my site is one of hundreds. My host is on the case and full service will be resumed soon. Inshallah.

Apologies for the inconvenience.

Friday, 1 October 2010

CT Aztec Universal TV remote - opinions needed

What you see above you is the 1st Season Aztec sonic as used by Christopher Eccleston. As you can see, it is a handsome beast.

The good news is that I shall be using this as the basis for my long rumoured universal TV remote control. And the good thing is, that in addition to light and sound and the ability to control TV sets, it will look identical to the above, albeit without the ability to extend.

However, a small snag has come up. In order to make this without extraneous buttons and thus accurate to the prop above, I can only realistically put in5 functions without compromising the aesthetics:

1. Power on/off + search
2. Volume up
3. Volume down
4. Channel Up
5. Channel Down

The optional function will be a mute switch but will need one of the other functions to be given the shove.

The question I want to put to you lot is whether you want the mute function and if so, which function would you ditch?

Opinions mucho appreciated.

On a final note: The fiscally challenged tightwads who find my prices onerous have a new champion called Dan Stokes who goes by the rather bellicose moniker 'Anakin Starkiller'. This deluded carpetbagger somehow thinks he can produce an accurate machined metal sonic for $100-$200 and has been actively courting business on the RPF.  It seems that this tool has harvested the wisdom and observations from this blog yet has missed out some of the more pertinent gems that I have let slip. That is, it is simply not possible to create a CNC'ed machined, accurate sonic with custom sound chip for less than what I charge and I'm in China where prices are less (but going up rapidly). Any less and I'll be doing it for charity. Dan will learn this the hard way and his little sycophants will have their hopes for a £60 sonic sadly and hilariously dashed.

Anyway, this fuckstick has now roped in Russ Brown to help him machine this and we already know that Russ and his old man were responsible for the infamous MFX. Indeed, Russ has been selling unofficial MFX's for quite a while now, both above and below the counter, so maybe he will shift a few more of his 'overrun' MFX's via Dan Stokes? Who knows...maybe even QMx might use Russ too. It's very chummy little world we live in, eh?

...but I ramble. Let me get to the point. Let's consider the following pic:

According to Dan Stokes, there were two Aztec props. One static closed and one extendable. The alleged static closed one is the one pictured at the beginning of this blog and the extending one is the one shown above.

Actually, they are both of the same prop. The crackle pattern, especially in the troughs of the ridges give it away.

None of the Aztec props were truly static as popular belief would have it. Both extended and indeed one was fixed into the half extended position during Season 1.

If Mr Stokes cannot see such a basic thing as this, what hope does this bode for his would-be run?