Monday, 11 January 2016

Hustling and how not to fuck it up

As some of you know all too well, I have the distinct luxury of being able to pick and choose my who I do and who I don't do business with. There is a certain liberating comfort knowing that my products usually end up in the hands of those that appreciate them and not in the hands of utter wankers. To this end I operate a list of persons that for various good reasons, I wouldn't even piss on if they were on fire let alone take their money for one of my products. One such raging douchebag is a reprehensible little shit called Daniel Simmonds. A little back story if I may, to fill in why this prick ended up on my shit list. A few years ago, this individual ordered several items from me but I was then contacted on several occasions by his mother Adrienne explaining how this spoilt and over-entitled brat had hacked her Paypal and email and using her stolen details, made these purchases. Obviously, being the type of chap I am, I cancelled these orders yet this nasty, thieving shit refused to take no for an answer and continued to try and obtain these items despite being rumbled and even on one occasion, impersonating his mother using her hacked email address and stealing her credit card to set up a duplicate Paypal account. If there's one thing that winds me up it's badly behaved fuckers who steal from their parents thinking it's their god given right to have nice stuff.  (If anyone can be bothered I have the original emails detailing all of this so if he denies it, I'll just go public with those too, I don't give two fucks).

Fast forward 4 years and it would appear that not only has Simmonds grown up, he's graduated into conning other Doctor Who fans. Let me give you a quick run down of his current shenanigans.

He recently posted the following ad on a Facebook Doctor Who group:


One of my extensive network of trusted friends that keep an eye on these things for me thought the whole thing smelt 'wrong'. For a start, Simmonds isn't what you call bright. He has this sociopathic tendency towards economy with the truth and spins a rather fantastical yarn in order to try and con the maximum cash from said lies. Case in point is with the 11th Doctor sonic here:

























The picture he then posts my chap are of a slightly different sonic to the one he advertised on the board. The latest pics shows a grip that has a larger screw hole in the white handle like the latest production Rubbertoe sonics and now apparently it has parts from a screen used sonic on it! (In case that was lost on some of you, I'm currently rolling my eyes and I have developed an itchy rash on my chin). Now, for a start I happen to know that the parts in question have not been swapped out and are still on the original S5 sonics. Even if they weren't he'd need the collusion of Nick Robatto and Nick is not that stupid. Simmonds has replicated said features from knowledge that is already in the public domain and he's using this to fraudulently bump up the price. Which is kind of funny as the other guy 'Dominic' that Simmonds refers to is also one of my friends and he was never told about the screen used Frankensonic nature of this sonic and indeed, Simmonds quoted him a lower price. Go figure.

But it gets worse...in a separate conversation with 'Dominic' to buy the pictured Ultimate Edition 10th sonic a whole new web of deceit has been spun. Consider the following:













Not only has he now concocted a story about how Nick Robatto has repainted one of my Ultimate Edition 10th Doctor sonics, he's now turned it into one of his 'prototypes' and Simmonds wants £1250 more than it originally cost! Now I'm not going to accuse Nick of any wrongdoing here. Far from it, I don't think Nick would go anywhere near one of my sonics for obvious reasons let alone collude with a lying psychopathic cunt like Simmonds. Simmonds is using Nick's name as a convincer to basically add value to a sonic he's tinkered with himself and if I was Nick, I'd be fucking furious. 

So what is the lesson here? Basically, don't try and hustle in a market place where I have eyes and ears everywhere. There is a lot of loyalty and a lot of love for me in this hobby but I like to keep it on the down low as it serves my needs. If you try and pull a fast one, the chances are I will know about it within minutes and I will make you look stupid. If you are still hell bent on going for the con, do it in intelligently and with style. Simmond's attempt at being a Jewish Frank Abagnale just makes him look like an inept bunglecunt. For the rest of you readers...if you are looking to buy anything from this piece of shit, take everything with a healthy pinch of kosher salt.